Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Time to Replace the DK Ukraine Reduction Tote Board

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Be aware:  Please bear in mind so as to add C&J to your will. Rapidly, please, as I’m sending the hitman over round three’ish.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til President Biden’s State of the Union handle: 51

Days ’til the 62nd National Sweetpotato Convention in New Orleans: 5

Variety of basic types of candy potatoes there are: 5

P.c likelihood that the U.S. homicide price surged in 2020 beneath President Trump on the quickest stage since nationwide information began being stored in 1960, and dropped in 2023 beneath President Biden on the quickest price (-12%) since information began being stored in 1960: 100%

Variety of states (together with Maine) the place normal contractors don’t should be licensed: 15

Date on which McDonald’s is bringing again the Double Massive Mac: 1/24/24

Energy in a Double Massive Mac: 767

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Pet Pic of the Day: Puppy Bowl XX preview…

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JEERS to a pointless train. The Iowa caucuses had been held final evening, and I do know you are sitting on corn canines and needles ready to listen to the outcomes. Right here on the C&J Elections desk, we have you coated. So listed here are the outcomes:

The outcomes are precisely what you anticipated.

It was very chilly.

For extra, take a look at the AP’s coverage. Not like my abstract, theirs will not be what you anticipated. As a result of they know that is simply what you will expect.

CHEERS to the warchestiest conflict chest in all of Warchestdom. One factor President Biden gained’t have to fret about as he seeks reelection is cash. I suppose when the opposition social gathering’s signature agenda merchandise is establishing a Fourth Reich, people have a tendency to open their wallets and say,”Nein! Nicht in meine bachyard!”

 President Joe Biden raised greater than$97 million for his presidential marketing campaign and the Democratic Occasion within the fourth fundraising quarter final 12 months as he readies a large marketing campaign conflict chest to face off towards a Republican opponent in November.

Biden’s reelection marketing campaign, together with the Democratic Occasion, ended the 12 months with $117 million, which the marketing campaign notes is the very best cash-on-hand determine for any Democratic candidate at this level within the cycle. […]

“This historic haul—proudly powered by sturdy and rising grassroots enthusiasm—sends a transparent message: The Group Biden-Harris coalition is aware of the stakes of this election and is able to win this November,” mentioned marketing campaign supervisor Julie Chavez Rodriguez.

The Biden-Harris marketing campaign additionally unveiled their successful bumper-sticker slogan for 2024: “Rick ’em, rack ‘em, rock ‘em, ruck ‘em, get that ball and actually stop ’em from putting in Hitler 2.0.”  And in associated information: we’re gonna want an extended bumper.

CHEERS to the conflict hawks’ horrible, horrible, no good, very unhealthy day. Eight years in the past—Saturday, January 16, 2016—one of many (many) vital occasions in Barack Obama’s presidency was etched onto the wall of historical past. It began when the White Home introduced that 5 American detainees, together with Washington Publish journalist Jason Rezaian, had been free of Iranian prisons in change for a handful of Iranians we had been detaining on the Hoboken Membership Med (for violating the two-beach-towels-per-person-per-day rule).  However that was just the warm-up act for this:

On January 16, 2016, the Worldwide Atomic Power Company verified that Iran has accomplished the required steps beneath the Iran deal that may guarantee Iran‘s nuclear program is and stays solely peaceable.

Earlier than this settlement, Iran‘s breakout time—or the time it could have taken for Iran to collect sufficient fissile materials to construct a weapon—was solely two to a few months. At this time, due to the Iran deal, it could take Iran 12 months or extra. And with the unprecedented monitoring and entry this deal places in place, if Iran tries, we’ll know and sanctions will snap again into place.

I bear in mind it nicely: the American individuals had been blissful, the Iranian individuals had been blissful (they even lowered their catchphrase from “Dying to America” to “barely swollen ankles to the higher Midwest”), and all the opposite nations concerned within the pact—China, France, Germany, Russia, the UK, and the remainder of the 28 EU states—had been blissful. However not Donald Trump. Drawing on his advantageous command of completely nothing associated to overseas coverage, he simply had to tug out as a result of diplomacy bad, bombs good. To be honest, although, it is what the coal miners needed.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to unusual new previous worlds. The absolutely armed and operational battle station often called the James Webb area telescope continues dazzling we wee parasites right here on this insignificant plastic-encrusted ball of magma. The latest discovery, an exoplanet (“any planet that’s outdoors of our photo voltaic system”) has me already packin’ my asbestos-lined luggage:

NASA’S James Webb House Telescope noticed a planet outdoors of our photo voltaic system which may be capable to help life. Webb found the presence of methane and carbon dioxide on the exoplanet K2-18 b, which is 8.6 occasions the scale of Earth. This means K2-18 b could possibly be a Hycean exoplanet.

K2-18 b is within the liveable zone, which suggests its distance from a star could enable water to exist on its floor. These zones are often known as “Goldilocks zones,” taking their identify from the previous kids’s story as a result of situations are “excellent” for all times.

Not solely did the planet present an abundance of methane and carbon dioxide, but additionally a scarcity of ammonia. This implies an ocean could exist beneath K2-18 b’s hydrogen-rich ambiance, based on NASA.

If you would like to hitch me and my merry band of Nigerian finance ministers in our daring flying saucer escape to this galactic Shangri-La, deposit $5,000,000 in my checking account and await the glowing inexperienced tractor beam to hover over your home. With our cruise management set on the most allowable 65 mph, the journey to K2-18 b will take us a couple of billion years, so deliver some snacks and a private cryogenic tank. Add $50 for every carry-on.

CHEERS to as we speak’s version of Fani Willis Has A Few Selection Phrases From The Pulpit For Marjorie Taylor Greene. Courtesy of Mediaite:

“Pricey God, I don’t need to be like people who attacked me. I by no means need to be a Marjorie Taylor Greene who has by no means met me however has allowed her spirit to be crammed with hate.

How does this lady, who has the glory of being a frontrunner in my state, how is it that she has not reached out to me? She will be able to inform me, ‘I don’t agree with something you’re doing, however I don’t agree with individuals threatening your life or the lifetime of your loved ones.’ “

This has been as we speak’s  version of Fani Willis Has A Few Selection Phrases From The Pulpit For Marjorie Taylor Greene.

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Ten years in the past in C&J: January 16, 2014

JEERS to the sake-fication of America.  Heckuva job, right-wingers.  Whilst you pinheads had been obsessed together with your certainty that Obama was going to “take away yer weapons,” Japan was busy takin’ away our Jim Beam.  Sure, it is true, they purchased the corporate, so get used to it.  The brand new firm, Suntory, says that past renaming Maker’s Mark “Howdy Joyful Princess Kentucky Tummy Tickle Drinky Time,” they don’t have any plans to vary a factor.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to proving the dummy fallacious. Fourteen years in the past this week I obtained an URGENT e mail from some conservative hack who needed me to know one thing crucial.  It is—as most of those conspiratorial screeds are—very lengthy, however this is the Loopy Cliffs Notes model.  Being a fan of alliteration, the primary sentence gave me goosebumps: 

The discredited, democrat funded ‘Each day Kos’ website online continues with it is every day doctored, dishonest, democrat funded pro-Obama polling numbers.  At this time’s doctored ballot exhibits Obama’s approval numbers a full EIGHT factors increased than the typical of all of the revered, impartial, trusted polls and a full TEN factors increased than the revered CBS Information ballot launched earlier as we speak.

Let’s be clear, Kos is taking cash from democrats to physician opinion polls and the boot-lickers and sycophants that help Kos are afraid to problem Kos.  Keep in mind, dissenting opinion, debate and argument should not allowed on the Kos website online.  If you happen to disagree with Kos you aren’t allowed to put up articles on the democrat funded Kos website online so not one of the info relating to doctored Kos polls and different Kos lies will ever seem on his website online.  Very like the low rated Olbermann program, dissent on the ‘DailyKos’ is forbidden!  

The proof and historical past of the phony doctored polls on the democrat funded DailyKos irrefutable and hanging, sadly the nameless so-called writers that put up tales on Kos should not allowed to criticize him or they will be banned for all times.

And that is the place yours actually takes the “democrat funded” danger of a lifetime—as I do yearly right now—by stepping off the ledge and testing the emailer’s grand idea.  As a Each day Kos “bootlicker” that is troublesome, however right here goes: Markos, you’re a butthead.  The remainder is in God’s arms.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about as we speak?

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At this time’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Grog is proclaimed new king of Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool after Invoice in Portland Maine abdicates

—ABC News

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